Quitting; a cultural taboo
Are you a quitter? If you have an aversion to that question, maybe a reconsideration is in order...
(Above, just because. A recent sunrise from my porch. No filter)
I have always held values around having a stoic near certainty follow-through despite circumstances and conditions, a resignation to persevere, and an unrelenting work ethic. I believed (and still believe) that I have zero talent except for the ability to work harder than everyone else and stay tough in challenging conditions (career, sport, life). I never quit. Ever.
And in recent years, I’ve started to question my commitment to certain areas of my life. For full disclosure and transparency - specifically around coaching. I started coaching in high school - youth soccer and that continued into my mid 20s before starting a PhD. After graduate school I started running more seriously again- aiming for some ultra’s and then decided an ironman looked like a fun challenge. I fell back in love with endurance sports and wanted to share knowledge and passion and try to help others. My singular motivation for coaching is for the love of sport and wanting to share knowledge. I have no desire to “be a leader” to “form the central piece in group endeavors” or to “build a brand” - puke. Culturally, coaching to a large degree, has always been about popularity and I am not, and have never have been “popular”. I’m a deep introvert with a long history of distain for most “group” activities. I prefer to train alone and before I moved fairly remote, I always had to come up with new excuses on why I couldn’t “meet up for a ride/run/hike”.. now I realize I should have simply stated, “no thanks, I prefer to train alone”. Full stop.
Now before I continue on this discussion path, I want to be clear that I love helping the athletes I work with. Many of whom I have had a nearly 14+ yr relationship with. I have done my best to evolve as they and their lives have evolved to remain helpful and useful to them. Many have stepped away from racing or are racing much less frequently or only shorter events. I firmly believe that I, and many coaches, can remain very helpful to athletes in the realm of health/fitness/endurance/challenges/mindset - and without a race on the calendar. And I also know there are “respected” and “successful” coaches that refuse to take on athletes without a clear race goal because they are “too challenging”. What a crock of shit. Dedication to improving health and taking on challenges JUST BECAUSE is far more important than ticking off a race on a bucket list. If a coach isn’t willing to build new sessions/weeks/plans/seasons or evolve with an athlete because it requires too much work on their part- well, I really question how good of a coach they actually are. We’re always evolving even with races on the calendar.
Some questions I have been pondering about my own abilities as a coach:
Do I still enjoy coaching? Sometimes..
Am I knowledgable around various training modalities, physiology, mindset, nutrition, race execution? Absolutely.
Do I want to continue to learn and evolve? Absolutely.
Am I a good coach? Not 100% sure on this at the moment. I would have said yes, until about a year or two ago.
Am I a successful coach? Absolutely not.
Can coaching be sustainable WHILE I hold onto my values? Probably not.
I have been coaching endurance athletes, runners and cyclists for ~14 yrs. And the entirety of that time, my coaching business has been supported by my science career. If we are being honest, coaching has been a detriment to my own athletic pursuits and probably my science career as well (where it is expected that you work well over 40 hr weeks with “extra” as free labor to write grants to support yourself and your institution). Without going into a long winded explanation of the last year or so of my science career- let’s just, for brevity’s sake, say that the career move that I had been planning on and preparing for has evaporated. And I was so confident in this next step that I wasn’t writing the grants to support myself (and I am fully soft money- meaning if I don’t bring in the grants, I don’t get to work on science or get paid). Ouch.
So in an attempt to make enough to cover my living expenses during this “slow time” in science - last year I invested ~1/2 of my coaching income to furthering education/certifications and business mentorship/education. And it has been a COMPLETE flop. A total waste of money. Although unpopular to share (because it means you are unpopular as a coach- gasp!), I am at the lowest number of athletes I have ever had since I began coaching. Reality: I am failing.
Now, have I done everything that the business mentorship/education stressed? No way! Because every. single. “expert” has stressed the “flood the zone” approach. What does that mean? Posting, emailing, cold messaging, hard selling.. every. damn. day. No f’ing way. And in fact, in the current climate, I can’t tell you how many businesses and people I have unfollowed and unsubscribed from because “business as usual” is a massive show of detachment and privilege and honestly - arrogance. Now, I don’t expect people to share daily on the realities of what’s going on in our country - but a small acknowledgement would go a long way. But even if our democracy wasn’t literally a dumpster fire - I would not, I cannot be THAT kind of person - a salesman and from many of my interactions - a snake oil salesman that over promises and massively under delivers. If this is what it takes to be “sustainable” (and we’re not even talking “doing well”) - no thanks.
Other questions/concerns that I’ve been considering- and you may have something similar on your mind:
I am constantly saying “it will get better” but seeing no progress/improvement over a very long time and honestly, in the short term, a decrease in “improvement”. Now- we all have storms that have to weathered, it’s part of life. But take the floodlight approach here- what has been the trend over the last 5-10 yrs? And what is the cost of this endeavor in my life overall? Is it worth it? I commonly have rose colored glasses on for the coaching side of my life because I love certain aspects. But time is limited and therefore being realistic about the rate of improvement and/or the cost to the other aspects of life is important to consider.
I am over-confident in my abilities. Many close to me would say that I am also overly harsh on my assessments. However, in this situation- it’s reality. I have always said “quality over quantity and brains/care/attention speak for themselves”. This is idealistic and has a flare of confirmation bias. If this were true, I would not be having this internal dialog and external financial stress! ha!
I suck at networking. And for someone who has only acquired new athletes through referrals from current or past athletes, this is a big problem (because I do not have 50+ athletes). And do I want to solve it? I’m not sure.. not really. Not if it means spending hours of my precious time trying to wow people to like me and then hire me as a coach. Puke.
The coaching arena is super-saturated. Throw a rock- hit a coach. Literally. Every Theresa, Dina, and Harriet is a coach now and the entry is.. well actually there is no entry. You can simply be fast or not even that fast or popular on the internet and you can say you are a coach. The ‘no barriers to entry” has created a supply and demand imbalance. Am I among the top 1% of coaches? Nope. So then it’s a race to the bottom to try and out price your competitors - or attempt to survive in the dreaded realm of the middle. More on that below.
The climate has changed. I don’t know if I fully understand why, I have some ideas. I think the corporate image/direction of ironman has turned a lot of people off (myself included), there are certainly barriers to race entries including location and finances (entry fees are outrageous especially given what is provided at race venues as far as safety for athletes - I’m talking about bike safety for the most part). I also think ironman attracted a certain A type of athlete that has literally burned themselves out and now are stepping away to maybe explore trails* or step away completely and refocus on other aspects of their lives. So- I can’t control this climate or environment. *ironman athletes please don’t f up the lovely, down to earth, chill, supportive trail and ultra community - adapt to it. Don’t try to change it!
I don’t fit into the “mold” of a successful coach. Ultimately - when people have similar values and likes/dislikes they tend to congregate - and hire people of similar “types”. OR people see super fast competitive athletes, maybe even pros, and want to be like them even if that person has zero experience or knowledge around physiology except for their own (exceptional) personal experience. Unfortunately wisdom is much harder to “sell”, especially in this culture where science, intellect, and knowledge is actually under attack from certain political parties and their followers. Honestly, most of the athletes I work best with are also like me; introverted, do their own thing, interested in learning, challenging themselves whether that’s in a race or in training, and ultimately they are highly motivated, health/longevity conscience and love to train.. and race when it works for them.. but not all that often. Attracting introverts is hard because by nature we are solitary/solitude seeking people.
I have largely operated in the “middle market” for the “everyday person”. Because that’s who I am. Scientists and engineers are not making the big bucks, nor are people in academia in general. I looked at coaching prices for others at “my level” - (e.g., number of years coaching, certifications, etc) and I was told by several people that with the quality of coaching I provide (and the estimate of hours put in), I should raise my prices. So I tried that- raised my top tier and also offered a low price point group option with limited support. It was a total flop. I had an athlete leave because it was too expensive and all the athletes that said they would absolutely be interested in the group offering backed out because they needed customization (but not at the higher prices). So what did I do? Well, the combination of this “experiment” as well as the likely coming shit show of the economy, the super saturation of coaches, and the lack of racing (so therefore people don’t feel the need to hire a coach), I decided to back peddle and I actually lowered my fees to circa ~2013 levels (I’ve not raised fees since ~2015). If anyone is interested- they are transparent on my website. SO.. am I cheapest? Probably not. Am I charging what my peers are charging? Nope. I am several hundred a month less. But alas, this means I’m in the middle market where people can be very choosey and come and go as they have races in the short term (also very challenging to get “good” results for people in very short builds, and results are typically what keep them wanting to come back, but I digress).
Is there a path to being extraordinary? This one is tough because I do believe I am a damn good coach. But am I extraordinary? I don’t think so. Does being sustainable mean I have to be extraordinary? I don’t know. But I believe we all have to re-evaluate from time to time our beliefs about ourselves and our paths. If I was a really damn good coach - I could at least be sustainable in paying my living expenses. And I am falling far short of that. So, I think one has to question… is your best good enough? And I don’t know if it is.
Why do I coach? I love the science and despite my introverted nature and sometimes hermit tendencies, I love helping people that WANT to learn, to change when necessary, to challenge themselves, to live their best lives in sport and outside. I am genuinely passionate about it, just like I am about geology and planetary science. I have always had a strong why for what I do and I have trusted that I can make ends meet. And I am also not independently wealthy and love/passion do not pay the mortgage. The world is what is it, not as I wish it to be.
The reality is that I’ve struggled to step away many times in my life. I hold on too long, thinking I can change or I can change the situation, that I can be better or more of what is desired (relationships, jobs, friendships, even sport). As I have aged and acquired more wisdom and the lens of life has gotten more in focus - I have begun to realize that sometimes you have to let things go even when you deeply care about them. The influencers spout off endless ways to prioritize and optimize and attain progress in ALL THE THINGS.. but that’s not reality. There are not endless hours in our days and there is an undetermined end point to our lives (hopefully many years away, but one never knows).
To be focused on the things that deeply matter and if you are determined to live the life you know you are capable of, you have to let some things go. This is not just a mediocre scientist/coach postulating, this has been discussed by far wiser and more intelligent people than myself. For example, Warren Buffet advises to make a list of 25 things you want to achieve in life.. then cross off everything but the top 5. AND- moreover, to not only put the bottom 20 out of your mind, but to avoid them at all costs. Because these are the biggest time and energy sucks and will prevent you from achieving the most important things in your life.
Will I be coaching next year? In a few years? I don’t know. I am certainly at a cross roads. Maybe you have something similar in your life. Some endeavor you’ve been working at for a long time and not seeing what you want out of it. Might be time to evaluate.
To conclude, all of this rambling is to say.. quitting is okay and being a quitter at one thing may be necessary to achieve greatness in another. Culturally we have put such a negative connotation on “quitting” and “being a quitter” that it’s hard for some of us to look at it as a healthy, yet difficult, decision to living in alignment with our values so that we can be proud of how we lived our lives at the end. It takes a lot of courage to quit. To have the confidence and clarity to step away and let it go.
Quitting is a strikingly unrecognized and undervalued fundamental prerequisite to pursuing and achieving excellence.
Below, for no reason. A photo of my pups enjoying a snowy hike.
